Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
