Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
