Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
