just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
