Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
