There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
