It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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