No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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