im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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