Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
