everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
