The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
