I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
