i can't believe i had my finger in that
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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