Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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