she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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