in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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