How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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