It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
