I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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