So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
