I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My life is pants optional.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
