PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
