She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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