i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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