can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
