We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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