oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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