I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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