this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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