How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Panties = found
Randomize
