nut hugger
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
