So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
