Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
