I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
