I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
