you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
