i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
