and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
