and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
