i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
