He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
