My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
