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So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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