yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
