A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
