They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
