Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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