So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
