And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
