He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
