miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't notice because vodka
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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