And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
