My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
