One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
sex in a hospital.. check
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
